Worst Experience Ever

I've already blogged about some horrible and terrifying experiences with spiders. But today, I have one that takes the cake.

It literally caused a grown woman to hyperventilate and burst into tears.

Let me rewind... It all began with our plum tree. A week ago, the plums started to ripen. There were so many, I couldn't keep up with picking them. So today I decided to just get it done and pick all of the plums off our tree.

I grabbed a few large bowls and some paper bags and headed outside. About 30 minutes later, I had filled 5 paper bags and 2 large bowls. I brought everything inside and set it on the kitchen floor.

I was going to wash all the ones in the bowl so we could eat them and that's when I saw it...

Now I know that I can be one to exaggerate but I'm going to describe this spider for you in the most honest sense so you can cringe and cry with me.

It was all black with white spots. It had hairy legs and looked like a tarantula. Yeah, a TARANTULA. Its body was the size of a nickel and overall, it was probably close to the size of one of those dollar coins.

And that's when I started hyperventilating. I didn't have much time to think and I wanted to keep an eye on it because if it had crawled away and I couldn't find it, I would've grabbed Allie and burned the house down.

I grabbed my rubber dishwashing gloves and a paper towel and without thinking about it too much, grabbed the spider and squished.

It made a cracking sound when I squished it. Kind of like crushing a tortilla chip in your hand.

And that's when I started crying. My chest started heaving and I couldn't catch my breath. I ran to the bathroom and tossed the papertowel into the toilet. I flushed it 3 times, just to be sure.

And then I called Brian sobbing. Fortunately, he had the werewithal to refrain from laughing at me. But, you guys, I cried more just thinking about it. I was SO scared. Of course Brian pointed out that spiders aren't out to get me and it was probably more scared of me than I was of it.

Pssht. YEAH RIGHT. If I had 8 hairy legs and looked like death, I wouldn't be afraid of anyone. And because I accidentally saw a scene from Arachnaphobia when I was little, I assume all spiders are hostile and want to torment and kill me.

Now I've had the feeling like something is crawling on me all day and I keep thinking I see spiders crawling on the floor.

It's an understatement to say that this has been the most traumatizing experience of my life.

Oh and the irony is not lost on me that I had A Bug's Life Soundtrack playing in the background. 

My Ride

This is the car that my husband bought from a police auction when he was 16 years old. It's his baby. He loves it.

Unfortunately, his baby gets about 12 miles per gallon. So a few years ago, when he started doing construction work in Tahoe (or really far away places) we decided to switch cars since the Tacoma (which I had bought a little over a year ago) gets about 22 miles per gallon on the freeway. Plus all the extra space in the bed came in handy for all his tools and junk that he needed to lug to work every day.

Since then, the Bronco has basically become my car (but don't let Brian hear you calling it my car because it makes him really sad). I don't mind driving it. Now. At first, it scared me. The thing is 18 years old, for Pete's sake. Not to mention before we switched cars, I had only driven it a handful of times and it had died on me. Twice.

But now, I'm used to it and I love it. Sure it's difficult throwing a car seat into a 2 door SUV that is 30 inches or so off the ground. Sure the gas mileage isn't great and the general smell of man/metal hasn't disappeared. Sure I have to manually roll the windows down and it takes a minute or two to get up to speed on the freeway.

But the pros? Well, that thing is a tank. If we ever get into an accident, I'm sure we'll come out alive and unscathed. I'm also fairly certain the doors are bullet proof (since it was a police car before) because they weigh a ton and I should know. I have the bruised shins to prove it. It also has a metal bumper so there's plenty of space for me to push cars out of my way and no one ever has to know.

All in all, would I trade it for the fancy Dodge Journey we rented (courtesy of my baby sis who works at Enterprise) with its satellite radio, push-button ignition, and rear controlled A/C this past weekend on our trip to LA?

Umm...

Uhh......

Hmm..........

Nooo.....................?



Don't tell Brian.

For sale

I'm selling my left arm.

Ok, I exaggerate.

Let me rewind a bit...

Allie really wanted to go to Disneyland for her first birthday.

*Ahem... *shifts uncomfortably*

Fine. FINE! That's a lie. I really wanted to go to Disneyland for Allie's first birthday. But we decided that going in August would be too hot and crowded so that idea was scrapped.

And replaced, of course.

With this idea: going to Disneyland for my birthday.

November will be much cooler and less crowded so it was just a better idea all around. We'll be going with my parents, sisters, brother-in-law and nephew. We're going for a few days to get our money's worth, so we'll be staying in a hotel.

Now we are on a tight budget, so Disneyland trips just aren't really a possibility right now, or ever.

But.

BUT.

I have 6 months.

And I am determined.

6 months to raise a little extra cash to pay for a little birthday trip for me. "It's my birthday present to me!" Name that movie!

So I've been scheming a few ways to make money but unfortunately most were ridiculous, illegal, or unethical. Then I realized I had done all this work in Adobe InDesign to create a few prints for Allie's nursery. So I decided to post them on Etsy for sale.

You can check them out by clicking the link at the top of the page that says "My Etsy Shop".

And before you get all "Ugh she's promoting herself." well, yes. I am. So good for you, Captain Obvious!

I blog because I love it. I love writing my thoughts out and making people laugh. It doesn't generate any money for me but that's fine. I couldn't care less because I do it for kicks and giggles.

But that doesn't mean I don't like to make an extra buck here and there. Especially when it's going towards my "Birthday Present To Me Disneyland Trip Fund".

So I will promote myself via my blog if I want to. Because it's my birthday and I'm allowed to do what I want!!! Or something like that that sounds less selfish and spoiled....

DISNEYLAND OR BUST Y'ALL!!! WHOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

On a completely unrelated note, if someone is interested in buying a left arm, please contact me.

On another completely more related note, if you are interested in donating to my Birthday Present To Me Disneyland Trip Fund, please contact me.

Note: If you don't understand my obsession with Disneyland, read these to get an idea.

Moby Sick

Ladies and um... ladies. It's official. MObY SICK is open for business.

Remember way back when I talked about my husband pursuing his dream and I was keeping it secret until things were finalized and ready?

Well, it's final.

It all started with a boy... Just kidding. I won't go that far back. But I will tell you a little back story because it involves me and that's why you're reading in the first place, right?

Brian has been doing construction work since I met him. He has his degree in Communication but he kind of fell into construction out of necessity to pay the bills. It was never his dream job but the only one he was able to find.

His dream job has always been to design t-shirts. So in January we decided to really go for it. We had been praying about it for awhile and just really felt like the Lord had given Brian these skills and desires. He had tried starting his own t-shirt business once before, but it fell through (basically, because he didn't have me. Not to toot my own horn, but toot toot.)

There was SO MUCH work and prayer that went into this. Every angle had to be thought and re-thought through. There have been countless hours going back and forth, drawing, redrawing, researching, brainstorming, discussing, figuring things out.

I've been fired 8 times.

But the important thing is that I was rehired.

Just kidding... the important thing is that we are excited and I couldn't be happier that my husband is pursuing his dream job.

So, on that note... see for yourself.

www.MobySick.com

P.S. He is a stud and yes, I took those pictures. *pats self on back*

Bicycles and birthdays

Once upon a time, it was my 8th birthday. 8th birthday's were special because my parents would take us out to dinner on The Queen Mary (a huge old ship in Long Beach).

My sisters probably know where I'm going with this.

I had just learned how to ride a 2-wheel bike without the training wheels. My dad, my older sister, and I decided to go for a ride around the block. I'm not sure where my little sis was because I distinctly remember my mom coming home after the incident so maybe we left her alone at the house?

Everything was going fine. I was killing it on that 2-wheeler. I was even getting daring and swerving the steering wheel a bit. I was having a blast as I flew down the street on my Huffy with the colorful strings flowing from my handlebars. My plastic white basket was holding a Barbie and I was cruisin' like a pro.

And then... out of nowhere, a car came racing past me almost running me over! I swerved to save my life and hit another car and flew over the handlebars, landing on my face.

At least that's how I remember it.

Samantha says allegedly there was no car and I just ran into a parked car for no reason at all, but why on earth would I run into a parked car?? 

At any rate, it was not a pretty sight. Since I landed on my face, my hands and knees were only scratched but the right side of my face was pretty torn up. My dad made me ride my bike home and kept telling me to stop crying because the salty tears were getting in my cuts and making it burn more.

I did not stop crying because half of my face had been torn off.

Okay, I exaggerate a little.

At any rate, my parents asked me if I still wanted to go to the Queen Mary for my birthday dinner. Of course I did! I was not about to let a little raw flesh ruin my birthday. So my mom curled my hair, I put on my navy blue polka dot dress and my Phantom of the Opera mask (just kidding) and enjoyed my 8th birthday after all. In reality, I had about 6 bandages covering my face and there are definitely pictures of this but I couldn't find any.

Moral of the story: Bicycles are evil and not to be trusted. Or don't let a little mishap ruin your day. Or ALWAYS THROW YOUR HANDS IN FRONT OF YOU WHEN YOU FALL OFF A BIKE. A sprained wrist is prettier than a scarred face.

You might be a mom if... Part 2

I can't help it. Another mom post because that's my life now. You can see Part 1 here.

You might be a mom if...

• You've sniffed your kid's butt to see if they're the culprit responsible for the poop smell in the nursery.
• You know the location of every bathroom in all major grocery and department stores. 
• You've ever nursed your baby while sitting in the car. Or in a dressing room. Or on the display gliding chair at Target. That's what it's there for, right?
• The stain that used to be puke or drool on your shirt is now probably whatever your child had for breakfast. And you don't even care.
• It's Thursday and you thought it was Tuesday. 
• Dangly earrings and braids are a thing of the past unless you like having chunks of hair or ear pulled out. 
• You've ever eaten baby food because, let's be honest, you know you're curious about what beets, purple carrots, and apple tastes like. (Hint: tastes like apple sauce)
• Everything you see becomes potentially deadly to your child. "Don't touch that roll of tape, you could tear some off and swallow it and choke and die!!!!" And then you just about pass out and die when your husband lets her play with paper and she eats some. Is anyone else terrified of their baby getting a paper cut? Just me? Okay. She might as well have been chewing on a steak knife. 
• You go to put a load of laundry in the washer only to find a load that has been sitting there for 2 days that was never moved to the dryer. 
• You've ever thought that everything in your house had a normal level of sound until your baby is down for a nap. Then, all of a sudden, it's like "WHY DOES THE DOORKNOB TURN SO LOUDLY?!?!?!"  That's why I avoid sitting in our leather recliner. Have you heard how loud skin separating from leather sounds??? 

Just keep swimming

The weather is finally warming up and I can hardly wait for Allie to have her first pool experience. She already loves splashing water in the bathtub so I'm sure she'll love playing in a pool.

Growing up, we had a pool in our backyard. Talk about FUN.

We would play games like Colors (the game where you swim for your life as if you were being chased by a shark) or Marco Polo (the game where you try to sneak around the pool and also swim for your life as if you were being chased by a blind shark). There were Chicken Fights which was basically wrestling in water which does not sound fun at all right now.

We would also pretend to be mermaids (since this was just around the time that The Little Mermaid was out in theaters). It was basically fight over who got to "be Ariel" and then swim around with your legs together wearing flippers pretending you were indeed half-fish, half-human. I distinctly remember trying to flip my hair coming out of the water like she did when she breaks the surface as a human. It never looked quite like it did in the movie.

I remember my mom would set out chips and after about 10 minutes, the whole bowl would be soggy because we'd all run over after just getting out of the pool and grab chips while dripping water from everywhere.

My hair would turn green from the chlorine. I would have a permanent tanline from whatever my swimsuit was that year. Every dive was done as if you were being watched by Olympic judges. Underwater tea parties were fun for no apparent reason. Hanging off of the diving board was fun until my dad broke it diving into the pool and that was the end of that.

Running was banned because "you could slip, fall, crack your head open, drown, and die." Also you were NEVER allowed to do Dead Man's Float because how could an adult tell the difference between trying to float and actually being dead?!?!

A pool can bring so much joy to a child. But also, so many irrational fears. Like sharks in the deep end. ESPECIALLY at night. It didn't help that when I was about 7, I caught a glimpse of a movie that we weren't supposed to be watching (but all the big kids were watching it). All I remember is an alligator that was living in a sewer ends up in someone's pool. Happy kids having a birthday party and one gets thrown in the pool... needless to say, I was scarred for life.

On second thought, maybe I'll just keep Allie in the bathtub.